Patience Is a Virtue?

Ok.

How do we know for sure that when we're crushing on someone, we're not completely wasting our time? I mean, really. I don't want to be sitting here pining over a guy who isn't the one that God has planned for me. That seems like an entire waste my life!

I think God should just be like, "Alright. You should do this now. You should crush on this person because you're going to marry him/her someday. Everything will work out fine. No worries."

I know that I should be patient. I know that God has someone and something incredible planned for my life. But still...I just want things to be easier. I just want things to make more sense.

Sunday Excitement

Today, two very important things happened.

Thing Number One: I watched my first horror movie ever. Even though technically my head was buried in my sweatshirt, and my ears were plugged, I still think it counts. I was scared, it was dark, and I never want to watch it again. That counts as a horror movie experience, don't you think?

Thing Number Two: I finally got a huge weight lifted off my chest by telling my best friend something that I've been keeping a secret basically since May. It feels good to let it go.

Tell me what your Sunday Excitement was!

For The Bibliophiles

I have decided to dedicate one post (at least) a month to different books I come across that I absolutely love.

The first one, for August (my favorite month!) is The Jane Austen Book Club by Karen Joy Fowler.

This was a fantastic book! I loved it so much!

It was packed with Jane Austen everything. The ways we relate to her and her incredible novels, the different things that we hate about her books that make us feel disloyal even thinking about because, obviously, it's Austen, and the love/hate relationship we have with Jane Austen.

It seems really incredible to me that Austen wrote all of these detailed plots and characters, and that a couple hundred years later, we're thinking some of the same exact things about our relationships!

We're annoyed by the super cute guy who thinks he's too good for us, but secretly, he adores us (we wish and hope and dream and pray).

We want to date that one guy, but we think he's totally out of our social class. Example: the book nerd with the huge crush on the jock. Ugh. Been there. Visited multiple times. Bought property.

And it even applies to our family life - getting along with siblings, dealing with our parents and their extremely high hopes for us, and feeling totally left behind and out of the family loop, at times. Jane Austen, somehow, realized that things wouldn't change with the years. She's a genius.

However, that is not to say that I don't have some issues with some of her books. I felt guilty for years finding problems with them, though. Who am I to dislike Austen? After reading The Jane Austen Book Club, though, I felt so much more at ease with my opinions. Yes, I want Marianne to end up with Willoughby! Yes, I think Fanny Price is sometimes too perfect! And yes, I sometimes wonder what in the world Jane Austen was thinking while she wrote Northanger Abbey!

But, just like best friends, we look past the arguments and issues we have with Austen because we love and adore her work. It's that simple. She is romance.

It truly is a love/hate relationship between Austen and her avid readers. We love most of the romances in her books; we crave the dashing suitors that she created; we wait for the happily ever after in each of our relationships because that is what her books encourage. Have you noticed that are a limited number of men in her novels? It isn't like now; you didn't go on dates every week with a different boy, testing them out. You had one or two, and you were courted. And in the Austen books, a happily ever after was made. That's the issue. That's the one thing that I don't believe can span the gap of years between us and Austen. We don't get a happily ever after every time. It's just not realistic.

I really like this quote from The Jane Austen Book Club. Karen Joy Fowler writes:

"It wasn't Jane Austen's fault that love went bad. You couldn't even say she didn't warn you. Her heroines made out well enough, but there were always other characters in the book who didn't finish happily - Brandon's Eliza in Sense and Sensability; in Pride and Prejudice, Charlotte Lucas, Lydia Bennet; in Mansfield Park, Maria Bertram. These were the women to whom you should be paying attention, but you weren't."

I just really, really enjoyed this book. I might just go read it again to catch all of the things I missed. Or maybe just go watch the movie.

I highly suggest that you read it for yourself, especially if you have an extreme love of Jane Austen. One way to tell if you are a Jane Austen fanatic, by the way, is if you cry every time you watch Becoming Jane. I know I do! If you have yet to be pulled into the Jane Austen fan club, The Jane Austen Book Club is still an excellent read. Just trust me.

Fictionally Yours

Ok, so, I was reading the blog of Just a Girl 4 God today, and she had this tag that was basically about books. I can't fill out the tag myself because the questions are too hard - how I can I possibly pick my absolute favorite male and female character from fiction? But, I have decided to address the topic of:

Favorite Male Fictional Characters

I have many. I'll just talk about some of them. It will be like a therapy session. Oh, and I should probably say that this kind of contains spoilers for certain books. Not exactly, though. I wouldn't just flat out tell the ending of any book. That's a horrid thing to do. (Note: These are not in order. I'd feel guilty if I had to order them. They're all so near and dear to my heart.)

1) Prince Char from Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine
He is marvelous! He's so dashing and caring and romantic. I love how he sees the real Ella - funny, clumsy, spicy, smart - and he not only accepts all of those quirky traits, but loves them.
2) Mr. Knightly from Emma by Jane Austen
Ok, he's super. I've always loved the idea of a "best friend's older brother" or "best guy friend" type falling for the girl. It makes so much sense! Those are the boys who see us at our absolute worse - no make-up, messy hair, sweatpants - and don't think we're absolutely hideous. They know our hearts, and they're used to our personalities. Someday, I'd like to fall for someone who is one of those types, be it "best friend's older brother" or "best guy friend." Anyway, Mr. Knightly is always giving Emma advice, and he's not afraid to totally knock her down a peg or two...or five. It's so refreshing.
3) Jehu from Boston Jane by Jennifer L. Holm
So Jane is fancy little city girl who has to go live in the wilderness. Who is the official "wilderness guru," the only person she can turn to for assistance? Jehu. It's one of those relationships where you get really, really mad at the guy because he sees you at all of your worst possible moments, so you hate him all of the time, but really, there's an underlying attraction that you simply cannot get rid of. Have you noticed how easily we fall for the guys who have those little secret smirks that we can't understand or the ones that seem to be making fun of us when we don't know what we're doing? Yeah. That's Jehu. I love him.
4) Owen from Just Listen by Sarah Dessen
In this list, there will be at least three Sarah Dessen characters. I ask that you please deal with it; I love Sarah Dessen's books. She is my favorite author besides Jane Austen. Anyway, moving on to Owen. Yes, in the book he has anger management issues (but he's in therapy)! But he never lies! And he's the type of guy who is constantly encouraging you to just be you. I'm not sure about you, but I want that! I want someone who sees the real me, and thinks, "Wow! She's amazing! Everyone should see exactly what I see when I look at her!" I have an enormous crush on Owen.
5) Michael Hosea from Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers
This is probably one of the most incredible books of all time. I suggest that you read it. The story is based on the story of Hosea from the Bible, how he is married to a prostitute, and no matter how many times she runs away from him or lets him down, he still absolutely adores her. He never gives up waiting for her and loving her. It's an amazing story. It reflects the love story that we have with Jesus Christ. He is just waiting for us to accept him. He loves us unconditionally. Michael Hosea is the ideal guy to fall in love with.
6) Edward Cullen from Twilight by Stephanie Meyer
I know that half of you are probably cheering this choice on, while the other half are booing me (sorry, Ab, but you haven't read the books, so don't judge...lol). I don't really care. I am not ashamed to say that I love the Twilight series, and I love Edward. The way he loves Bella just makes me melt. He's so attentive and sweet and selfless and old-fashioned. How can you not help but like him? But there's also the other side of things...
7) Jacob Black from Twilight by Stephanie Meyer
Yes, I love Edward, but I also love Jacob. He fits into that "best guy friend" role perfectly. He picks up the messy pieces of Bella's broken heart and tries to put them back together. Sometimes he's childish and sometimes he's annoying, but he's honest and good and has the best intentions in the world - Bella's happiness. I know that the Edward and Bella story is epic and all, but sometimes, I just wonder what it'd be like if Jacob and Bella were together.
8)Wes from The Truth About Forever by Sarah Dessen
I love Wes! I don't even completely know why. Maybe because he's real, and hunky, and charming without trying, and just completely incredible. I really wish I had a Wes of my own.
9) Robert Langdon from The DaVinci Code by Dan Brown
I know he's a little old for me, but he's so awesome! He's brilliant, for one thing, and I have a major soft spot for these type of adventure/history novels where a guy and a girl end up working together, and they fall in love. The DaVinci Code, Angels and Demons, The Historian - all brilliant novels in which the two main characters fall in love while desperately fighting time to save the world. Or a corner of the world. That's near perfection, right there.
10) Sam from Bassakwards and Bellyup by Elizabeth Craft and Sarah Fain
He's snarky and sarcastic and gorgeous and real, and he believes in her! What could be better? And, he is completely unafraid to knock her on her butt more than a couple times when she needs it. Ah, true love.
11) Dexter from This Lullaby by Sarah Dessen
He's such a cute little music nerd! I adore Dexter. The way he's messy and wanna-be debonair and so dedicated to making Remy fall in love with him is enough to make me swoon! Seriously, Sarah Dessen is a genius at creating the most likeable, wonderful, fictional boys out of thin air. She has a gift.
12) Zack from Jinx by Meg Cabot
I just had a huge crush on Zack from the very beginning of the book. He's attractive and smart and funny, and he helps Jinx skip gym class to eat ice cream. There are very few things that are better than that! He's just so great. I love Zack.
13) Justin from Ever After by Karen Kingsbury
I can't really discuss Justin or this book without crying. I suggest that you go read the first book in this series, Even Now, and then read Ever After. Once you're done drying your eyes, we'll talk.
14) Ian from The Host by Stephanie Meyer
Yay, Ian! He's so great! How do I even explain how wonderful he is without sounding like a freak? Basically, he loves this girl who isn't really a girl, but a small worm-like alien thing, but even when he sees the small worm-like alien form of her, he thinks she's beautiful! Yeah...I'm sorry. The book isn't as creepy or stupid or as science-fictiony as I just made it sound. You should just go read it. You'll love Ian as much as I do.
15) Frederick Wentworth from Persuasion by Jane Austen
All you have to do is read his incredible letter that he wrote to Anne. It's probably the most romantic letter in all of fiction. You can read it here. It's brilliant.

Ok, well...I would like to take this opportunity to apologize for this absolutely obnoxious post. It was very long, and I rambled quite a bit. If you actually read the whole thing...well, then, consider yourself thoroughly loved by me! This definitely is not a complete list of all of my fiction crushes; that list would take years and years to compile. It's a mere fraction of the wonderful men who have entered my life through books.

Please post your favorite male fiction characters, and tell me about them! Perhaps it will give me some new boys to crush on. :)

Relying on Men

So I'm laying on the gym floor at Kamp 4 Kids. We got flooded out of our tents, and we had to sleep inside. I'm reading my nightly devotional, which is actually part of my quest to read the Bible the entire way through. Side note: I'm about 3/4 of the way through it. Anyway, as I'm reading, I come across a verse that I immediately share with my friends, Amber, Abby, and Tanya, who are in their sleeping bags around me. The verse says:

"It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man.
It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes."
Psalm 118:8-9

Now, being the extremely single and only slightly bitter girl that I am, I point out, jokingly, that if you twist this verse around, it's basically saying that we shouldn't trust guys. We shouldn't trust the whole "Prince Charming" persona.

I actually don't believe that, just so you know. I was just having one of those "girls against boys when they make us mad" moments that seem to happen way too often in high school.

But then last night, I came across another verse. It said:

"Do not put your trust in princes,
in mortal men, who cannot save."
Psalm 146:3

It sounds a lot like the other verse. But this time, it meant something more to me than a joking excuse to stay away from guys. To me, this verse was saying that Jesus is my Prince Charming. It was saying that I don't have to sit around and wait to meet a guy, to be rescued and carried off into the sunset by a dashing man on a white horse. Prince Charming doesn't have to be a distance dream. It's real! He's real!

Jesus is my Prince Charming! He rescued me; He delighted in me. I am cherished by Him, and He adores me.

How's that for a love story?

I Can't Sleep

This will be a complete ramble of an entry simply because I cannot sleep, and there are just too many thoughts bouncing around in my head.

I know, I know...I should just stop thinking. But it's so hard!

It's not like what happened was a big deal. In retrospect, especially to about 99.99999% of the population, it was a small deal. A tiny, miniscule, unimportant detail. A speck of nothingness.

But to me, a girl who stays away from dating, especially in the casual sense, and who is waiting for an extraordinary guy to appear, it was a huge deal.

Falling for anyone is a big deal for me.

But falling as hard as I did in such a short time - colossal, massive, humongous deal.

I am proud to say, however, that I am getting over it. I am trying to forget, or at least not dwell upon, everything that happened.

Yes, I sometimes have to re-read a text message or two from him.

Yes, I sometimes have to write his name somewhere, only to furiously scratch it out two seconds later.

Yes, I sometimes have to bring his name up in my phone contacts, think about deleting it, but keep it there anyway.

And yes, I sometimes have to literally distract myself to stop thinking about him, but I'm getting so much better.

Really.

And the best part of this - the forgetting and the getting over it - is that I know for a fact that I am doing the right thing. I am completely sure of that.

It feels good to do something right.

Once Upon A Time..

...silly people did not exist. Annoying people did not exist. There was no stress. There was no drama.

Yearbook was left to the professionals, not two poor little 11th grade girls who went crazy trying to produce a 152 page book alone.

Gym class was not mandatory. Ever.

Boys liked girls, and girls liked boys. End of story.

There was a boy for every girl and a girl for every boy. And you found your significant other right away and stayed with them.

Everyone had a prom date.

Losing 50 pounds was easy.

Tie-dying was not messy. And if it ever was messy, someone else cleaned up the mess for you.

Children did not have to do chores.

Mr. Right existed. I promise.

Chocolate did not make you gain weight.

Wallets refilled themselves with money every time you ran out.

You never yelled at people or called them names because they never made you mad. Everyone was in harmony.

The library always had the newest books.

You could download music for free and not recieve computer viruses.

Every job made the same amount of money, which was a very high amount.

You never had to fight with your parents about where you'd go to college or what profression you would have. They automatically supported whatever you wanted.

At the age of 16, everyone got a car.

And you never had to pass a test to get a license to drive that car.

There was a Taco Bell on every street corner, and it never made you sick.

It was paradise.

Courting

It may seem old-fashioned. It may seem awkward or even boring.

But a courtship is the perfect solution for someone entirely fed up with the normal modern dating scene.

A definition of "to court" from Webster's Dictionary says this:

"To seek the affections of; to seek to win a pledge of marriage"

Maybe it's just me, but doesn't that sound so much more incredibly romantic than saying, "He's my boyfriend" or "We dated that one time?"

To have someone seek out your affections sounds thrilling. You would feel cherished and desired and pursued.

Courtship doesn't have to be old-fashioned. It's simply an alternative for dating. It's spending time with only a few people in your dating life that God will put in your path to prepare you for marriage as opposed to dating many people and testing out the waters with many different types of people. It's not wasting your time casually dating, giving little parts of yourself away to person after person. It's selective; it's romantic. It's more serious.

And honestly, ladies, aren't we normally complaining to our friends that all we want is for that one boy to "get serious and commit?"

Hello, courtship.

Arizona...and here!

My best friend is here! I got to spend an entire day with him today. It's nice to know that some things don't change. It's nice to know that some people don't change.

He's still my very best friend. He's still the nicest, most honest, most pure guy that I have ever met. He is the standard that I hold every guy to.

I am seriously so blessed to have him in my life. I'm so thankful for him and his wonderful family.

I am a very lucky girl.

So how was your day?

So what if I have every single message you have sent me memorized?

So what if I look forward to hearing from you all day?

So what if I have visions of you taking a 6-7 hour road trip, knocking on my door, and sweeping me off my feet?

A girl can dream, can't she?

Boys

What is it about them that makes us want to stand on a roof, jump up and down, twirl around, blush and giggle, and sing "Tomorrow, Tomorrow!" at the top of our lungs?

Arizona, Arizona

On September 20, 2003, I wore a long jean skirt and a frilly white blouse that later received a yellow stain on the shoulder from a highlighter.

On September 20, I "went out" with a boy. Four days later, on his birthday, I dumped him. We've been best friends ever since.

He is not your typical boy. He's a sweetheart. He blushes at the mention of kissing or even holding hands. He is selfless and polite and forgiving and smart. He is awkward and adorable and nerdy and silly. He is real.

For some reason, I have been blessed by being able to have a great friendship with him. We sang in chorus together. We sat in lunch and counted the sprinkles on our Cosmic Brownies. We made origami paper animals during class. He drew me pictures and wrote me notes that I have saved for six years.

And then last year, he moved 2,111.09 miles away from me.

Somehow, we're still friends, and our relationship has grown stronger across the distance. I absolutely love him. Although he is my best friend and nothing more, I hope the man I marry is just like him. I won't settle for anything less than that.

Tiny Pieces

This has been on my mind for a really long time.

I have been single for a while, and it's basically going ok for me. I'm too nervous when I'm in a relationship to do anything more than hold hands, and I just recently realized how super independent I actually am.

I have found, though, that many of the girls around me have to constantly be dating someone. It's like they were programmed at birth to never be content with being single.

In my opinion, every time you date someone, you give a tiny little piece of yourself away. Every time you hold hands, that's another tiny little piece you give away. I think that when you keep dating, holding hands, and anything else you decide to do, you just keep slowly chipping away at yourself.

Personally, I want to be as whole as possible when I meet my future husband. I don't want to give pieces of myself away to some boy that I will forget about. I don't want to give pieces of myself away to someone who doesn't fall into the category of that person I could spend the rest of my life with.

If you think this sounds funny, then you're probably right. It is a little different.

Basically, it's dating to marry, or in other words, courting.

I don't date people unless they are someone who has all of the qualities I would want in a future husband. Obviously, my type of dating strategy doesn't fit in with normal high schoolers.

But that's ok. Maybe I'm not normal.

But when I find happily ever after - when I find that guy - I want to be whole for him.

After all - wouldn't I want him to be whole for me?

The Only Crush I'll Never Grow Out Of

Since age 13, I had slowly saved up my money, emptying jean pockets in the laundrey room until I had the right amount to go buy his most recent CD. I took my tacky, beat up portable CD player to bed with me every night, letting his flawless tenor seep through me in lullaby form. I would wake up strangled by my headphones with dead batteries in the CD player, but I would be happy.

I had memorized every song that he ever produced. It was my dream to sing with him someday on stage. I knew the words to every duet he ever participated in. I imagined someday getting the chance to attend one of his concerts. They would have a contest similar to contests in movies. They would draw a ticket, and one lucky audience member would get the opportunity to go and sing a duet with him. I would be the one to win, of course, and I would sing the duet. People would remark how wonderful we would sound and look together, and I would finally be discovered. We would continue singing duets together forever.

I had decided by age 15 that he was the man I would marry no matter what.

For my 16th birthday, my grandparents gave me the ultimate gift. It wasn't a car; it wasn't an iPod; they spent around $300 and took me to his concert.

We sat in Row 22, Section F. Though not great seats by any means, I was there. I was there, and he was there, and he would sing.

He wasn't onstage immediately; the lights dimmed and the first chords of his most popular song rang out through the arena. My eyes clouded over with tears. I was so happy.

I'll never forget that night.