Patience Is a Virtue?

Ok.

How do we know for sure that when we're crushing on someone, we're not completely wasting our time? I mean, really. I don't want to be sitting here pining over a guy who isn't the one that God has planned for me. That seems like an entire waste my life!

I think God should just be like, "Alright. You should do this now. You should crush on this person because you're going to marry him/her someday. Everything will work out fine. No worries."

I know that I should be patient. I know that God has someone and something incredible planned for my life. But still...I just want things to be easier. I just want things to make more sense.

I Can't Sleep

This will be a complete ramble of an entry simply because I cannot sleep, and there are just too many thoughts bouncing around in my head.

I know, I know...I should just stop thinking. But it's so hard!

It's not like what happened was a big deal. In retrospect, especially to about 99.99999% of the population, it was a small deal. A tiny, miniscule, unimportant detail. A speck of nothingness.

But to me, a girl who stays away from dating, especially in the casual sense, and who is waiting for an extraordinary guy to appear, it was a huge deal.

Falling for anyone is a big deal for me.

But falling as hard as I did in such a short time - colossal, massive, humongous deal.

I am proud to say, however, that I am getting over it. I am trying to forget, or at least not dwell upon, everything that happened.

Yes, I sometimes have to re-read a text message or two from him.

Yes, I sometimes have to write his name somewhere, only to furiously scratch it out two seconds later.

Yes, I sometimes have to bring his name up in my phone contacts, think about deleting it, but keep it there anyway.

And yes, I sometimes have to literally distract myself to stop thinking about him, but I'm getting so much better.

Really.

And the best part of this - the forgetting and the getting over it - is that I know for a fact that I am doing the right thing. I am completely sure of that.

It feels good to do something right.

Once Upon A Time..

...silly people did not exist. Annoying people did not exist. There was no stress. There was no drama.

Yearbook was left to the professionals, not two poor little 11th grade girls who went crazy trying to produce a 152 page book alone.

Gym class was not mandatory. Ever.

Boys liked girls, and girls liked boys. End of story.

There was a boy for every girl and a girl for every boy. And you found your significant other right away and stayed with them.

Everyone had a prom date.

Losing 50 pounds was easy.

Tie-dying was not messy. And if it ever was messy, someone else cleaned up the mess for you.

Children did not have to do chores.

Mr. Right existed. I promise.

Chocolate did not make you gain weight.

Wallets refilled themselves with money every time you ran out.

You never yelled at people or called them names because they never made you mad. Everyone was in harmony.

The library always had the newest books.

You could download music for free and not recieve computer viruses.

Every job made the same amount of money, which was a very high amount.

You never had to fight with your parents about where you'd go to college or what profression you would have. They automatically supported whatever you wanted.

At the age of 16, everyone got a car.

And you never had to pass a test to get a license to drive that car.

There was a Taco Bell on every street corner, and it never made you sick.

It was paradise.

Courting

It may seem old-fashioned. It may seem awkward or even boring.

But a courtship is the perfect solution for someone entirely fed up with the normal modern dating scene.

A definition of "to court" from Webster's Dictionary says this:

"To seek the affections of; to seek to win a pledge of marriage"

Maybe it's just me, but doesn't that sound so much more incredibly romantic than saying, "He's my boyfriend" or "We dated that one time?"

To have someone seek out your affections sounds thrilling. You would feel cherished and desired and pursued.

Courtship doesn't have to be old-fashioned. It's simply an alternative for dating. It's spending time with only a few people in your dating life that God will put in your path to prepare you for marriage as opposed to dating many people and testing out the waters with many different types of people. It's not wasting your time casually dating, giving little parts of yourself away to person after person. It's selective; it's romantic. It's more serious.

And honestly, ladies, aren't we normally complaining to our friends that all we want is for that one boy to "get serious and commit?"

Hello, courtship.

Arizona, Arizona

On September 20, 2003, I wore a long jean skirt and a frilly white blouse that later received a yellow stain on the shoulder from a highlighter.

On September 20, I "went out" with a boy. Four days later, on his birthday, I dumped him. We've been best friends ever since.

He is not your typical boy. He's a sweetheart. He blushes at the mention of kissing or even holding hands. He is selfless and polite and forgiving and smart. He is awkward and adorable and nerdy and silly. He is real.

For some reason, I have been blessed by being able to have a great friendship with him. We sang in chorus together. We sat in lunch and counted the sprinkles on our Cosmic Brownies. We made origami paper animals during class. He drew me pictures and wrote me notes that I have saved for six years.

And then last year, he moved 2,111.09 miles away from me.

Somehow, we're still friends, and our relationship has grown stronger across the distance. I absolutely love him. Although he is my best friend and nothing more, I hope the man I marry is just like him. I won't settle for anything less than that.

Tiny Pieces

This has been on my mind for a really long time.

I have been single for a while, and it's basically going ok for me. I'm too nervous when I'm in a relationship to do anything more than hold hands, and I just recently realized how super independent I actually am.

I have found, though, that many of the girls around me have to constantly be dating someone. It's like they were programmed at birth to never be content with being single.

In my opinion, every time you date someone, you give a tiny little piece of yourself away. Every time you hold hands, that's another tiny little piece you give away. I think that when you keep dating, holding hands, and anything else you decide to do, you just keep slowly chipping away at yourself.

Personally, I want to be as whole as possible when I meet my future husband. I don't want to give pieces of myself away to some boy that I will forget about. I don't want to give pieces of myself away to someone who doesn't fall into the category of that person I could spend the rest of my life with.

If you think this sounds funny, then you're probably right. It is a little different.

Basically, it's dating to marry, or in other words, courting.

I don't date people unless they are someone who has all of the qualities I would want in a future husband. Obviously, my type of dating strategy doesn't fit in with normal high schoolers.

But that's ok. Maybe I'm not normal.

But when I find happily ever after - when I find that guy - I want to be whole for him.

After all - wouldn't I want him to be whole for me?