Monday, September 28, 2009

The Things I've Done To Get Your Attention

I've tried to be brilliant. I've worked hard since 4th grade to get wonderful grades, studying when I had to, waffling when necessary, and making sure that everything I did was done as perfect as possible. It's only recently that I realized that maybe you don't care about this as much as I always thought you did.

I've tried to be talented. I've practiced my singing constantly. I’ve memorized songs; I sang in Latin; I’ve performed in music festivals in different states; I was in a band. I've made myself get over the stage fright just so I could make you notice me, but it never seemed to matter very much to you.

I've tried to be like you. I've tried to like the things you like, and I've tried to act like you. I've tried to follow in your footsteps so that you would notice and be interested in me. I guess we never really had that much in common, though, did we?

I've tried to be a good person. I've tried to learn to control my temper and stay away from bad situations. I've tried going to church and doing the right thing. I've tried not getting into trouble and being close to boring because it's better safe than sorry.

I've tried to be beautiful. I've tried to measure up to other people. I've tried to fix the things I could about myself and accept the things I couldn't. I've lost the weight and fixed the hair and bought the clothes and had the smile, but you don't seem to care.

I just wanted to be noticed, but now, I don't care that much anymore.

God notices me. He thinks I'm smart and talented and beautiful, and he notices that I try to emulate him and try to be a good person. That should completely satisfy me, but sometimes, it doesn't.

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