Monday, August 3, 2009

I Can't Sleep

This will be a complete ramble of an entry simply because I cannot sleep, and there are just too many thoughts bouncing around in my head.

I know, I know...I should just stop thinking. But it's so hard!

It's not like what happened was a big deal. In retrospect, especially to about 99.99999% of the population, it was a small deal. A tiny, miniscule, unimportant detail. A speck of nothingness.

But to me, a girl who stays away from dating, especially in the casual sense, and who is waiting for an extraordinary guy to appear, it was a huge deal.

Falling for anyone is a big deal for me.

But falling as hard as I did in such a short time - colossal, massive, humongous deal.

I am proud to say, however, that I am getting over it. I am trying to forget, or at least not dwell upon, everything that happened.

Yes, I sometimes have to re-read a text message or two from him.

Yes, I sometimes have to write his name somewhere, only to furiously scratch it out two seconds later.

Yes, I sometimes have to bring his name up in my phone contacts, think about deleting it, but keep it there anyway.

And yes, I sometimes have to literally distract myself to stop thinking about him, but I'm getting so much better.


And the best part of this - the forgetting and the getting over it - is that I know for a fact that I am doing the right thing. I am completely sure of that.

It feels good to do something right.


  1. you know what? i agree. but you know what else? when i find myself doing this (like, crushing majorly hard, then trying to recover, and successfully doing so..) i often find that I fall harder the next time... grr... i wish i could find as much delight in Christ as i do in some guys... i know that sounds bad, but it's how i feel most of the time. seriously...

  2. oh my gosh. i'm so glad you said that. i know what you mean! most of the time when i have a crush, it's literally all i can think about. if my relationship with Christ was that all-consuming, i think i'd be making a much bigger difference in my life and the lives of others.