So I had another long college conversation with my mom today.
I find myself thinking more and more about how much I love spending time with kids, and how I'd love to make a difference in their lives and help them make smart choices and feel loved. I've always said that I'd never be a teacher. I've grown up with two teachers, and I've seen everything - the good, the bad, and the absolutely ugly. But ever since I can remember, kids have just kind of...gravitated towards me. And I love them! Maybe I should go into teaching. I just don't know.
There are so many choices! I feel like I have these voices bouncing around in my head:
"Do this!"
"No, no, not that career. How about this one? It's so much better."
"You're smart. Go into math and science. It's the way to go."
"You're really artsy. Go into the arts; you'll be happier."
"Don't forget about money! You want money, don't you?"
"Forget about college! Go work at McDonalds! This is too much stress!"
I don't know what to do! The only voice I want to hear in my head is God clearly stating which direction I should take for my life. I'm trying to be patient and wait to see what He has planned, but it's my senior year. It's here. It's starting. I need a plan. I need to solve things. I need, I need, I need...
I need to let go and let God.
Easier said than done, but it has to be done, or I will go crazy. I am a teeny, tiny little human, a small speck on earth, and God has my life totally under control. My life story is already finished. He's got it covered. Sometimes that's so hard to remember.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
I thank God that He has everything taken care of. I thank God that He is so brilliant, and He has patience with a very impatient little girl like me. I thank God that He is so big when I feel so small.
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Hey Kels,
ReplyDeleteThat first paragraph... you know what? I am going through that exact same thing. That paragraph almost perfectly describes what is happening to me right now (scary, huh?. I have teachers from school bugging me about wanting to not go to university, and the fact that I don't want to do teaching. I'm thinking about doing teacher aide stuff, cause I wouldn't need further study to do that, but the teachers are all like 'no, be a teacher, you earn better money'. and I say 'I'm not living for money - I'm living for God and don't care about the money.' and it is very frustrating. I feel the pain.
but you are right. we have to let go of what we want, what others want, and seek out for what God wants. We have to lay aside all of the yelling that those little voices seem to be doing and seek out the quiet still voice that calms our soul and gives us peace. We have to put all our faith and trust in our creator and believe with all our heart that He is the only one who can satisfy and sustain us.
We have to let go and let God.
xoxo
rach
It's definitely a lot to think about! I don't really want to plan my entire life at age 18. It's scary stuff! I've decided that I'm not going to do anymore college searching or career research. I'm just going to wait. God will tell me what to do. I believe that. It's out of my hands now.
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